Limiting belief: Work is where we spend the most time in our days, so it’s the biggest part of who we are.
Reframe: If I can no longer be defined by work, I have the opportunity to choose how I want to define my life.

It’s so common it’s become cliche — defaulting to our jobs to make conversation. Meet someone new, and it’s “what do you do for a living?” When catching up with someone we haven’t seen in a while, we quickly ask “how’s work going?” Even as an introvert who loathes surface-level conversation, I find myself guilty of this. It’s an easy go-to topic. But in our capitalist society where we often let ourselves be defined by work, it’s also a symptom of something bigger.

We worry about the loneliness epidemic and not being able to form authentic connections, but hustle culture has narrowed our focus to make work the biggest and most prominent part of our lives. Gen Z has pushed back on this, and you often hear stereotyping and complaining about a complete lack of work ethic. I’m old enough to remember the “lazy millennial” trope though, and it’s likely this is at least somewhat biased with extreme examples selected to fit a narrative. So before we fret about the pendulum swinging too far in the opposite direction, let’s think through what lies at the heart of this — a desire for a life that includes both meaningful work and meaning outside of work, in a balanced way that doesn’t lead to burnout.

So often as we’re working our way to success, whether it’s climbing the corporate ladder, building a following, training and professional development, we leave little time or energy for exploring how we want to build the rest of our lives. We devote ourselves to the grind, are exhausted when we get home in the evening, and have to fit housework and grocery shopping and medical appointments and vehicle maintenance and all the other things into weekends or time off. I don’t have kids to take care of so I can’t speak to that, but wow. No wonder work-life balance has become such a popular phrase.

But what if we found ourselves suddenly in a position where defining ourself by our work was no longer an option? How would we choose to do so?

15 years ago, I had just left my job at our family business, in part due to downsizing, and because I was going through a period of reflection and focused on finishing my degree to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was preparing for a trip oversees with my grandmother and brother so things were on pause for a little while. After the holidays, I went back to work part-time at Target, back to classes full time, and in mid-spring applied to transfer to Valparaiso University, which ended up putting me on the path I’ve been on since.

Now, I find myself in a totally different yet strangely similar position. The holidays are quickly approaching, and I’m preparing for an overseas trip for two weeks in December. Also newly unemployed and reflecting on what I want to do with my life. But I’m thinking about it more broadly. Not just in terms of position or organization, but what kind of work brings me the most satisfaction? What do I want my life outside of work to look like, and how can I support those goals? I’m single and support myself yet am not independently wealthy, so I will need an income to keep a roof over my head and food in Pepper’s dish (and toys and treats and all of the other things her spoiled kitty’s heart desires). But choosing an occupation is just one part of building a life.

I want to build a life that leaves me wonderfully exhausted at the end of the day because I have spent my energy doing things that fulfill me, not drain me. I want to travel — to see the country and the world, to visit new places and learn about their histories, their cultures, their people, their food, their customs, their architecture, their landscapes. I want to live close to my niece and nephew so I can go to their soccer games and come over to bake cookies and take them on adventures. I want to attend concerts, plays, museum exhibitions. To watch the sun set over the dunes. To learn new hobbies and skills just because they interest me. To explore. To do meaningful work that makes an impact, even if it’s just on those around me.

When we’re growing up, we’re encouraged to try new things. To join extracurriculars, sports, clubs. To take a variety of classes and figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy. Then as we advance in schooling and in our careers, there’s less room for experimentation. So when we have the time and the opportunity, we should do so. I’m a planner with anxious tendencies, so there will definitely be budgets and spreadsheets and networking and research going into making sure I can make a living. But I also plan to put as much intentionality into making sure that I can make a life. To widen the aperture on what’s possible. To choose how I define myself, without limitations. To live a life of balance, and meaning, and joy. Because isn’t that what it’s all about?